My Friend

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After six months of disappearance my friend came back. She was not missed. I did not even think about her in the least because she was a pain in the asthma attack. Whenever I knew she was coming around I would cringe and brace myself, and I would get warnings two weeks before she showed up. Like clockwork I always knew when her triflin’ butt would appear, wrecking havoc on my life. It was like Basketball Wives, RHOA , Hip Hop Wives, Star Jones and BET’s old girl “Cita” from “Cita’s World“, rolled into one. Add a dash of a thug missus from “Bad Girls’ Club“, a shot of a contestant from “Maury” and a jilted jump off from “For the Love of Ray J” and you get the picture. This child was conniving and a backstabber, so I prepared for her with a bag of salt and vinegar chips and copious amounts of Ben and Jerry’s Chocolate anything, the more chocolate the better. When my friend was around I craved protein just to deal with her so a nice medium rib eye did the trick.

After leaving from around me I felt much better. My moods were better and I could think clearer. But I knew that heifer would be back. She didn’t care how old I was she wanted to mess with me. I told her I was too old to for her to be hanging around, and she just laughed and said that she’ll be back because she enjoyed messing with my head. I replied, “You narcissistic, blatant, b, u were gone for half a year and now you wanna come back?!”

What I just described was my menstrual cycle. Happy Monday!!

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Major Pain

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I disappeared. I slept all day and had a major pity party.I looked at my car and saw how dirty it is. My floors need cleaning. The dog needs a bath and a hair cut. The large fibroid in my back area became bothersome and I could not locate the Advil.

But you know what? I will regroup and come back with insight and humor. I promise.

Eat Something, Already

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If you were tuned in yesterday, you would recall that I slept all day and had serious cramps. Well the solution was simple: after I ate something solid as opposed to Boost Plus Protein Drinks, I felt much better. My body was trying to tell me that consuming liquid food was not enough and I needed to get my behind up and get some real food! So once I consumed some carbs it was much better for the home team. The next day I ventured outside the house and into the below freezing weather and I have to say doing that refreshed me. Just walking to put the trash bin at the end of the driveway felt wonderful. There was less than an inch of snow on the ground and I thought about shoveling for a mini workout. Later I plan to go to my favorite grocery store, Aldi’s, to pick up some healthy food. I already have brown rice and yams, so I am thinking chicken and fish. The scary part of this vignette was I knew this already. Yesterday, then was a Pity Party Day, so I’m telling myself, “It ain’t that type of party!” Peace.

Note:  Aldi’s is a no-frills, bag your own groceries, no courtesy desk store where the store brands are actually tasty. They are based out of Germany and you can money by shopping here, especially if you are on a fixed income like myself.