It’s Just Hair

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Millions of dollars have been spent on the Black Hair Industry. Think about the stylists, their training, products, hair supply stores, human hair weaves, brick and mortar buildings, websites and then money that the average female budgets for hair care. If you have a short crop hair do, you have to see a barber regularly to maintain the shape. If you have mid to long hair or short hair some women will relax their hair to make it manageable. Then there is conditioning and coloring, trimming, highlighting or hair extensions.

There is also the time one must set aside for going to get your hair styled and the wait time–it could be hours. Then there is the tipping part which is 15%, and you give the women who washed your hair some bills, too.

Suppose you want a change so you purchase a wig, either human or synthetic. I had a hair stylist tell me that you treat it like it’s lingerie. The human hair comes from eastern Europe or India where it is then processed and colored in hair factories.

You might go own vacation and you worry about the humidity and the frizzies, so you make a trip  to the African Hair Braiding Salon. One to three pairs of hands might be on your head, quickly creating goddess Braids, Twists, Micro Braids or Silky Dreads. Which leads us to…

Natural Hair, where no chemicals are used to relax or straighten and the hair is locked into dreads, or twists. Black Hair is revered and treasured in this state because quite frankly, this was the hair you were born with. Of course, naysayers believe that braids and dreads are third world and not conservative enough, many a law suit and controversy occurred over natural hair.

Where did I fall in the scheme of hair styles? Why, everywhere. Name a style and I had it. During depression my hair was neglected so I opted for wigs and hats. Or I would keep braids in for three months to avoid more frequent trips to the salon. I think of all that money spent over the years and believe that I probably could have established a thriving IRA account. But, nonetheless, grooming is very important. Well, couldn’t you do it yourself at home? Yeah, you could but the results are not the same.

I think we need to talk about hair next time, because we did not touch upon the history….


It’s Been A Long Time

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I slept until 12:30pm today. I was in pain, felt lethargic and hungry. There was no tasty food in the house, and strawberry, non-frosted pop-tarts were not appealing. We had snow today, despite it being spring. So dreary and overcast. I finally got out of bed at around six, and ordered flatbread sausage pizza and mango ice tea from Uno’s. I sat, reading a book on following your dreams. The book resonated with me.I felt as if I was reborn. Finally, with food in my belly, and written encouragement, I felt alive, ready for the next day! I must get my life back and make moves.

Born Day

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Today is my birthday. I wish that I had a wonderful party surrounded by friends and family at an upscale locale. But being broke and tired , that could not happen. Well I need to reframe and shift the paradigm. My next 45 years on earth I want to enjoy and actually live. I am no longer in a profession that drains me and now I can focus on my spirituality and financial goals. I still hope to help others and maybe meet a soul mate. Over the past several  months I have neglected myself something terrible and my habits and routines were deplorable. I slept all day, didn’t keep a “good house” and wondered why I wasn’t happy. The stress in my life caused my hair to fall out, checks were bouncing left and right, male friend was demanding, I could go on and on.

However, I can do better! Happy Birthday Me!







My Funny Valentine

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The other day I was on Facebook and I saw where women took pictures of their balloons, flowers and chocolates that they received from their significant others, family members and friends. I am quite sure there were women who bought their own gifts to make it look like they had a Valentine, a ploy that many desperate girls and women have used for years. But truthfully, who are you fooling? You know the truth. If goes to the many articles that I have read on how the holidays are difficult for single people, particularly women on a holiday that is really supposed to be about love. I  was encouraged by the thoughtful posts by male and females who wished EVERYBODY a happy holiday, whether you were in a relationship or not. It is vital that we love ourselves first and foremost, if we want love in our lives. How can you be in a successful relationship if you don’t love yourself, are stingy and non-demonstrative with love and dwell in past hurts and disappointments?

There is even the bigger picture of  loving God which further enhances love in all of your surroundings. having grace and compassion for others opens your world to a whole plethora of experiences and you will find that you have deeper, lasting relationships with friends in general, as opposed to superficial encounters, because you are radiating love. God places people in your life for a reason, and there is always a lesson to be learned.

Of course, if you are dealing with hurting people who lack the ability to express love, then you have a problem. If your friendship or relationship is one-sided, where is the joy in that? Therefore, you cannot pursue  it because then you end up being unfulfilled.  The meeting of like minds and like hearts seem instant, and you never have to guess where you stand with the other individual. I always wondered why I would pursue guys that were commit-phobic when the answer lied within me. I was broken and I was a reflection of them. Because in this case, similarities breed attraction, both parties knew that time together would be short-term or lackluster, something that was as Marion Wright Edelman term as “sex without the gratification”.

We want things in our culture quickly; we get impatient with waiting in lines, and driving in our cars. For some reason, people thought that the  Great Recession that almost could have been worse would be over immediately and jobs would appear overnight. Well, the factors that lead to the Great Recession did not happen so quickly but occurred over many years. People do not know how to wait, meditate, plan, investigate and then react. Relationships take time to cultivate and nourish. Only fools rush in and then you have two people wondering “why didn’t I see this coming?” Outsiders and experienced people who have lived on earth longer know and can predict if it will last. You really have to take time to really know someone and not get caught up in appearance, status, money, sex. One needs to ask themselves what do I bring to the table and what do I want and what attributes and I looking for in a relationship. If you are a male and you are concerned about a women’s banging body or a female and the size of a man’s wallet, then please know that what you have is a relationship that is standing on precarious ground and won’t even last a season.

I do not want to make the same mistakes at love over and over, so I am looking at successful relationships and they all say the same thing: friendship first, a belief in God, the ability to compromise and laughter. Those are the ingredients to longevity.

So for me to get bent out of shape over a virtual Valentine that was forwarded from someone else, a Happy Valentine Text, gas station flowers, a sub par greeting card is a non issue. These greetings and or gifts were all the sender could muster up. Maybe they are sending me a veiled message…I know I certainly missed the hundreds of gifts I received over the years as a public school teacher. But, it was just that, I was with these young people for most of the day and I tried to impart as much knowledge and wisdom as I could; I learned just as much from them as they did from me. Consequently, the students reveled in the joy of giving, and it was meaningful.

The last-minute, hastily gathered sentiments and gifts were from individuals who were fully invested in me…there was always some reluctance on their part. But that’s okay with me. Real recognizes real and one day when I am at my best I will find my counterpart. I am proud of myself for not becoming dejected over a holiday that can be perceived as commercial and painful to the “singletons”. Love thyself and God. One.